1.1.12.

I did it.
I hit the bottom.

For a long time I've just been going down stairs.

I have these levels in me, see, and so do you.
These levels of depth.

And every time we say think something, it hits one level of us. From the most shallow floor or lower. This is all just a metaphor and only exists in my perception of trying to figure out what just happened to me.


Yeah, I'm different. hah.


In church sometimes I try to reach down. I'll decide what kind of impact I'd like this church going experience to make on this given Sunday. So that's how far it goes.

And yeah, stuff stays with us and some stuff hits us deeper than others.

I just found a really low spot.


I didn't plan on it. But as I was lying here trying to fall asleep, my mind was wandering. My mind was dreaming. But as the dreams got longer and thicker, they actually became memories.

Memories I hadn't thought of in a long time. Memories that didn't mean anything when they were happening and mean everything now.

I didn't expect that to happen. You don't expect the past to get more meaningful with time, you wait for the opposite.

Apparently that was wishful thinking on my part.

These posts are boring. (If anyone even reads this which I'm sure those only like 3 of you).

I'm not saying what happened. Or what I was remembering. But I guess I've been in a rut lately and not sure how to handle everything. I want to move forward, I want to be someone new.

I want to have new experiences and approach life in a completely new way.

I've been stuck, though. Because I haven't dealt with what's down there. Hey, this story sounds familiar. Hello Leonardo DiCaprio and your dead wife and her apartment. [Inception]. Anyway...

Yikes.


I guess I had more to sort through than I thought.
And I think it's going to take many journal entries and a lot more than blogging to sort through it.