new things

I heard it. I heard the shatter before I felt it.

It showered down on me. Or collapsed. Or whatever. The pile of stuff that was balanced so precariously. The mess that I had allowed not only to exist, but to flourish.

It was shocking when it fell, because I was in a groggy state. I didn't notice when my weight began to affect the foundation of all these things I let live on top of my working space.


When I hesitantly opened my eyes squeezed shut, I saw my hands still in tact. There wasn't any blood dripping from me and that was a relief.

What surrounded my feet was newly sliced glass. Shards swam over my shoes, my bags, my floor, splayed into a pattern of nothing. Sharp chaos.

I found myself kneeling on the ground, intently searching for each one of those clear knives. Trying to be safe, to be kind.

And there was the empty frame.


Ahh. I liked that frame.

Yes, I was tired.

I am tired. This whirlwind of new things has turned me crazy. Consistency does not exist yet and for the sake of "trying new things", meeting new people, or even for "that's is just how it happen", I am constantly cast into these waves of awkward. Uncomfortable moments. Frightening moments. My photographic memory seems to come alive for these.

I am left with an unquenchable desire for peace.

Rest. Knowledgeable rest. And rest in love.



If only i could be that broken picture frame.

Empty, and available. Awating fufillment.

If only pieces of my soul were flung out like those shards of glass-

real and sharp, beautiful and dangerous.



If all of it was laid out to see, maybe i could get a hold of it.


Or maybe,

I could hand these shards of me over to him.

And he would create with it a mosaic. Of some beautiful, of some "this is who I want you to be."


So that would instead be what filled the frame of this wanderer, searcher.




And then again,
there's this:

Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.

-Psalm 116:7





It's true that He has always kept his promises.

And has been good to me,


even if all I consist of is broken.