this windy evening.

I walked and I walked fast.
My scarf really wasn't enough. It's not much protection against the engulfing air. Sometime's nature is the only place to go,
because you feel like there isn't anywhere that you can breathe.

I could feel blood rush to my cheeks and the edges of my shoes rub against my skin. There was pain because of the arch of my foot. I gripped the sides of my arms, holding on to my head and gravity.

How on earth could this happen.


I choked.

I choked on sobs and odd sounds erupted from my stomach to my throat and out my mouth.
I didn't know what to do with this knowledge.

I don't get it still. Your face is my mind is still smiling.

I still see life in you. Life in you life in you.


Because you brought life to us.



They came around me, they came and found me. All I wanted was warmth, and closeness. They said it was okay to cry but they don't know.


They don't know.

This opens the box, the pandora's box of questions I have. Remarkable questions are shooting up from this treasure trove in my hand,

what do I do with this?


Are you in glory?

Are you in glory?


I cry because my head is spinning.


I cry because I cannot imagine.


I cry because...

because we never got to share with you.

Experiences,
Memories,

Jesus.








...


Hold me, Hold me, I know you shouldn't but I want you to. Be stability as I'm spinning, let me feel warm and protected and safe.

Be a safety bar on this spinny ride for me.



Tell me, tell me. While there's tears in my eyes.

He will get glory from this, right? From this surprise to us.

He must know, He must know.


and we must pray,
for them.


There's mascara painted across my skin, webs of make up on a splotchy background of a person.

Who am I.




And who were you to me.


You were beautiful.


I cannot fathom glory,

I cannot empathize this idea of victory,


I hope to our dear Lord,


that you are experiencing this very thing,

this most incredible love




at this very minute.




Hold me, Hold me,



and we will pray for them.