Sometimes, I can't avoid writing any longer.

I like the laundry room.

I'm currently in there now. STILL not doing my philosophy paper. ...Stupid philosophy paper.

The reality is, I'm so thankful to be here. And I suppose reminding myself of this great opportunity and doing everything I can to embrace it would be motivation...

Okay I'm avoiding what I really want to talk about.


I want to talk about.. I want to talk about God.

Don't tune out, yet.


Gospel Choir is challenging. Every song is sung as worship to the King of Kings. Every word is a thank you, a praise Him, a shout of proclaimation for this joy we have

this saving grace, from the glorious Savior.

And when you're singing this, you can't avoid this meaning. It echoes through your brain and your veins and there is no where to run. So here's the challenging part.

In each and every moment here, you're met with the question, do I really believe this?

..I don't want to scare you. I am a believer in Christ the son of God.

But I wonder a lot. Because this doesn't make sense to me that someone so great and so beautiful would spend so much time and thought on someone like me.

Someone who can't keep her own head straight.

And it, to me, is unfathomable that someone so great exists. Because this world is etched into my very skin, and I can't seem to scratch it off no matter how hard I try.

This world does bad things to us. What am I saying.. we do bad things to us.

So I'm not saying I don't believe. Of course I believe. Too much in my life has happened for it to not be coincidence. Too many incredible people I know follow after Christ. Heck, look out my window, those trees had to have come from somewhere.

And sometimes I know that someone hears me. Because someone will just... happen and I know it's him. I know.

But sometimes this all just seems so terrible. Too many problems and not enough answers. I'm talking about the issues of the world, here.

I just don't want to be someone who tacks all the Christian-isms on the end of everything in order to make positive a bad situation.

I want to know. I want to praise the King because I feel the true, deep conviction that that is who He is. Because if He truly is the Lord of all creation, what am I doing??

Why am I not on my knees before him?


And that is the point, my friend.

This God who works over and above and through us...

He is alive.

And there is no where to escape His love, and compassion, and justice.

That last world will scare you.






...


I'm just frustrated because the world has done such a good job in encouraging my doubts. Stupid satan and your people, LEAVE ME ALONE.

I know I sound like a crazy.

I know. It's been said before.

This is why I decided I want to minor in theology.

Because life is too important to me.



I want to serve the MOST High who loves better than anyone here ever has. I want to be before His throne one day and be able to know that I did serve him. I want him to smile on me.

It sounds crazy but you want it too, I know.


You too want something more. I'm gonna fight to find it, I am.

I really hope you do the same.



....


Wow. Longer than I'd planned...



So when my heart gets caught on petty things. And when I'm stuck on feeling un-loved or less beautiful or more hopelesss...


I think of that throne and know that someone sees me, knows me, adores me.


And He is the best everything.

He is the best everything.

So worthy, so worthy.